BIPOLAR OHIOAN RANTS AT UNIVERSE

Dear Universe,
How about tossing me a couple of GOOD days, huh? Now, I know you're busy. You've got all sorts of planets to align, and sun's to explode, and shit like that. But can't you take a few seconds to throw me a bone, dude? Rick Springfield gets a come back tour & a New York Times best seller, and I get a week full of infinite depression, missed moments with family, and a terrible urge to drink myself stupid. You see something wrong with that, Mr. or Mrs. Universe? What? Oh, Rick Springfield's book is about depression? Cool. Good for Jessie's Girl. What, you don't give out more than one good day for depressed people? What kind if crap is that? I saw Springfield on Dr. Oz today, and he looked pretty primed to go. No depression there. Oh, he seemed pretty much over it, and willing to advocate, BUT wouldn't admit to having an actual diagnosis? What a phony! Making money off of things he's too afraid... YES, I was watching Dr. Oz! Is that somehow offensive to you? My point is, Rick has had enough. I would like to borrow a few good days so I can turn some stuff in my life around. That's all. Geeze! Don't give ME guff about watching a show YOU let happen! You know what, Universe? You give me some good days (and I mean GOOD days), or I'll tell Buddha what you said about Krishna, and when that gets back to Zeus, Jesus will kick your ass! That's right! Jesus.... and his cousins, Eduardo, Cheech, and Machete. What about that Universe fancy pants?

Jokes aside, I'd really appreciate a break.
-joel

DEPRESSION: PASSION THIEF

I have been staring at this screen for an hour. This is the second sentence I've written. Three, if you count this one. How can there be so little on the page if I've got so much on my mind? Well, the short answer is, I have let my depression get the best of me. The long answer involves multiple diagnosis, wild mood swings, panic attacks, extreme mania, conversations with therapists, cognitive behavioral therapy, lots of drugs, side effects, and all sorts of other stuff that would make you either fall asleep or call the authorities. So... I have let my depression get the best of me.

I love to write. Depression doesn't care. It makes me feel better to create. Depression doesn't care. Depression... is an asshole. What happens is this: All of your passions get pushed aside, because depression has made you think they are not worthy of your time (or you're not worthy of theirs). Sometimes you wonder "Why bother", but most of the time it's more complicated than that. When it's hard to get out of bed for long enough to use the restroom, the last thing you want to do is get up and be passionate about something. Sometimes your self-esteem gets shot in the face, so you sit around thinking you're a horrible, talentless, worthless person. No one wants to hear what you have to say, and why would they? And sometimes you're just scared; afraid of the smallest amount of success. Because you don't feel like you deserve it.

Now, even if you realize these things are not true, Depression doesn't care. It is extremely difficult to fight off this negative way of thinking. In fact, I'm not even sure that's possible. The only way to fight it is to create just to spite it.

Depression takes away a lot. Everything and everyone gets lost in the shuffle at some point. There isn't anything in this world that depressed people hate more than depression. So why not get pissed at it? Go ahead! Tell it to go eat a fish smoothie! Tie it down! Make it listen to Kid Rock! Tell it where to go and what to do while it's there, because if you don't, it will continue to ruin your life.

I stared at this page for an hour before writing this. I'm not sure how long it took to write, but that's not important. What IS important is that I was able to stare for long enough to write.

POSITIVE DAMN THINKING

Embrace the truth of yourself
In visions of hearts, and hand
Out small pieces
Of the dreams you have left

Behind you are the faults
You've tried so hard to hide
Those Shadow shapes
long
Gone in the rear view

What you see before you
Is a canvas of faith
To be painted with
Places only seen in your dreams
But not like the one about
Kicking cats in the face.